Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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