remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
