Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
