Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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