ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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