you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize