i think i scared a bird with my dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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