does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
