Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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