ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
