I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
