He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
