On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
