I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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