I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
