Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
