I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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