one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
