no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
