Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
