So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
