apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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