friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
