Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
