ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
barbara walters just said penis...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
