can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
