Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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