Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
