Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
