): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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