put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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