Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
