Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
