This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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