while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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