Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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