You're my little dorito
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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