hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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