FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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