You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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