I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
