Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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