She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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