from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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