Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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