we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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