I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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