im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
