one might say we're banned from that church
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
