Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
