Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone signed my nipple.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
