I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
wow bdsm is so cute
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize