no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
