Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
