I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
