wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
