His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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