so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
