the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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