dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have fence marks all over my body
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
