I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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