somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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