Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
