from now on my penis is your penis
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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