I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
