The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
