Don't EVER smell your tampon
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is Oprah even human
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
