I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
