The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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