No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
