No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
